When you're supposed to go down

New photo journal and blog-
http://www.virb.com/amina

Here's to another late night. I'm taking a new direction. No more obsessing over my own trivial worries and stresses, or minimizing the needs of others. Time to strive towards my utmost for his highest. (I'm recording this for my own motivation but feel free to utilize my vague thoughts.)

God is the Light Everlasting
God is the Light Everlasting
God is the Light Everlasting
God is the Light Everlasting.

I love 'em.

Last night- HS@MC Prom. My date was the DJ. And my other best friend too. It was a great time anyways. The night included promiscuous humping, dancing with all my best friends and their dates, more humping, doing the sloth dance with Mr. Potts, and eating cheese and crackers even though they started to smell really bad after the room became hot and sweaty. Wes and I got those corny professional prom pictures taken. =D I woke up this morning with a terribly painful foot and I don't know why. Too much dancing.

( Thumbs up Round II )

Today Wes, Kaitlyn, and I went to the pool. It was fun. Wes says the only good thing to come from the 90's was the "thumbs up" sign. ("Come" meaning its popularity, not its origin).

( +2 )

Most intense Ebay bid of my life.

( +2 )

Happy weekend. =D Included art show and cafe 101 with friends, staying up late with my baby, the museum of television and radio + Westwood with my baby, late night movie (aka falling asleep at Daniel's even during Children of Men)& beach today with Kady and Steph. I finally finished my case study and portfolio but i still have some statistics to do, and I should finish up an essay for english, oh well.


( Today )

"There's a schizoid quality to our relationship with animals, in which sentiment and brutality exist side by side. Half the dogs in America will receive Christmas presents this year, yet few of us pause to consider the miserable life of the pig- an animal easily as intelligent as a dog- that becomes the Christmas ham."

Even if you like meat, you can help end this cruelty. If everyone just cut their meat consumption in half, billions of animals would be spared from suffering.

New resolution: Back to the vegetable lifestyle. I did it for two years and it was pretty damn easy. The only difficult part was staying relatively healthy with all my blood complications. I'm going to try harder this time. I need protein, so I have free-range chicken eggs now (a little costly but not compared to the costs of meat), and I'm going to continue to eat fish because it's healthy and fish farming is relatively humane and natural compared to the meat industry. I plan on buying more spinach and as well as taking those iron supplements again. I'm happy, and looking forward to being healthier and making a small difference. If you think vegetarians don't make any substantial impact, rethink. By avoiding the meat of just chickens, turkeys, and pigs, one person alone can prevent the suffering of more than 2000 animals in one lifetime.

I'm beginning to realize (and recall) that being around large groups of people is not very fun or entertaining. Reuniting with people who I rarely think about and who in turn rarely think about me gives me a sickening feeling. I don't want to deal with people anymore. I have my love, my few close friends, and my family. This small group of people are the only ones who contribute any substance in my life. The rest constitute a false sense of security; it's really just loneliness mistaken for security. I'm ready to leave it behind.

Highlight of my weekend: On friday, I went with Wes and Daniel to the Amiina show, and it was incredible. Watching these four beautiful girls play saws with violin bows and manipulate the hymns of crystal glasses... wow. I sort of like my name now.

I'm leaving in a few minutes to play with my favourite four year old. Words can not express how amazing my job is. These 3 little redheads have already revealed to me the most radiant corners of life.

I got tickets to the Tyra Banks Show !!!!!!!!! YAYYYYY TYRA.

"The world is a huge space, but the space that will take you in- and it doesn't have to be very big, is nowhere to be found. You seek a voice, but what do you get? Silence. You look for silence, but guess what? All you hear over and over and over is the voice of this omen. And sometimes this prophetic voice pushes a secret switch hidden deep inside your brain." -Murakami.

Life is sweet. No, it isn't perfect. But right now feels pretty good. I'm not trying to convey the idea that falling in love is the ultimate solution. Rather, my eyes are open, and, aside from the people I love, everything seems so meager. A few months ago, I found myself blessed with love. After the initial burst, however, I allowed depression to continue to damage my life. Without a job, I had too much free time to myself. Spending time alone caused my brain to illogically reason the most trivial aspects of my life, to an extremity in which I could no longer enjoy it. I went to school, came home, and waited for people to call me or need me, which of course wasn't often. Maybe there's such a thing as thinking too much. Anyways, I then decided to enroll in 18 units for spring semester. I figured, "Everybody's too busy for me, so I'm going to be busy too. That will show them." Unfortunately, I don't like classes that do not relate to my major, and thus I became unmotivated. That was on top of feeling morose and insignificant. That's not a way to live, and there's so much more to live for...

Enjoying time alone is important. That is why, instead of doing homework (which is important too, but not really) I decided that relaxing in front of the Montel show was just as, if not more important. I also began reading again, and not those assigned essays for English Comp. Yesterday I began Kafka on the Shore. This semester almost made me forget how good reading can feel. Especially Murakami. Also, I read about a good idea at the doctor's office- If you are feeling depressed, do something nice for someone else. That's an amazing concept. And it works.

After a while, watching television all day after morning classes didn't seem so great. That's why I got a new job, and I start shadowing tomorrow. I'm going to be a behavior therapist for children challenged with autism. I got assigned 2 cases already, a 4 year old and a 7 year old, both boys. And I'm nervous. But happy. My Tuesdays and Thursdays will actually have purpose to them. Playing with kids and getting paid for it? 13$/hr, too. No, but really, I'm nervous.

Amiina is playing in April. !!! And I got tickets for Sondre next week. Something else to look forward to.

( survey in place of statistics homework )

( Adventures in Berkeley & SF 2007 )

Happy Camp, Moorpark


( Model: Stephanie )

( Model: Kaitlyn )

And I finally developed some old pictures.
( Ogden, Utah 2006-2007 )

http://www.treehugger.com/files/2006/06/the_sloth_club.php

I think that SNL skit about sloths was degrading to such a miraculous species.

She is amazing. How did I go all these years without her delicate, enchanting hymns?

Another note, this weekend was insane. I cannot put it into any other words. However, I'm going to try because honestly, I don't want to start studying for my History of American Women test, and the Tyra Banks show was a bit repetitive this afternoon.

Friday: Jenna and Amir gave Wes and I their tickets to Disneyland, because they could not use them before they expired. And I am ever so grateful! It was such a good time, even if I look miserable in this photo.

We went on almost every ride in California Adventure, and a few in Disneyland. We ate monte cristo sandwiches in a Cajun restaurant by Pirates of the Caribbean... Wes hated them but in reality they were delicious. In the evening I dropped him off at Cafe 101/ Cinespace, and I made my way to the aeroport around 10 pm to pick up my dad and stepmom. They just got back from Egypt. Their plane was late, they came out of the wrong gate, my phone wouldn't work, so we could not find eachother. All in all the aeroport was a miserable experience, I didn't get home until 2 am.

Unfortunately, I had to wake very early for Saturday:

We went on an overnight hiking/ backpacking trip in the Santa Paula mountains with our class, from early Saturday morning until mid-day Sunday. I'm not one to hate nature or anything, but this was not hiking. This was boulder climbing with hardly a trail. This was life threatening. It's impossible to explain this trip and do it justice. My muscles have not stopped twitching.

The rest of Sunday: I don't even remember. I think I just layed in bed and watched my muscle spasms.

i was so fortunate to meet little hero on monday! i love her already, and i cant wait to spend more time with her when shes not so tired of the whole being born ordeal, and when her mummy is less tired as well. here she is at 3 days old. she was born saturday morning, the beautiful daughter of my dear friends blythe and kirby.

( a very merry unbirthday! )
(my chesire cat ears fell off before these photos)

my body cant handle this schedule. school at 8 am. 18 units. who is responsible for letting me go through with this?

today i'm too sick to wipe the snot from my face or get up to change the tampon. before today, i have never cried over menstrual cramps. this is probably what child labor feels like.

complain complain complain.

all i can look forward to is baby fike.

i wasn't aware of how strange life could get until i found out today, my niece will be older than my brother.

today included:
-jenna's birthday! happy birthday.
-the discovery of my half-brother on the way. ?!
(if only this little brother could have came 10-15 years ago)
-christmas dinner with mum, gloyd, wes and mira.


yesterday:
-friendship island intermix show.
(excellent work)

last wednesday i had a very traumatic experience. somebody must have ran over a dog in front of my house, and left her on my porch (still alive), just knocked on my door and outright left. i didn't think to answer the knock because i was just getting out of the shower. so when i left the house to go do whatever i was doing, an extremely injured dog was blocking my door. the dog's skull was completely exposed, there was blood everywhere, and she was still alive, looking right at me. it was utterly grotesque and unrealistic. i was hysterical, so i called stephanie for help. we took her to a vet but she died on friday. the owner called me to thank me, but i had no idea what to say to him. what are you supposed to say to him? what was he thanking me for? she died.

& i am still dumbfounded.

merry christmas.

( exploring the infinite abyss )